Submitted for post by Anya.
Recently, a fellow poster, Michelle, and I shared an interesting exchange. This was Michelle’s post: “For awhile I have been wondering if Kate Gosselin is misunderstood. I know in one episode, Kate had stated the fact that she is an introvert. Being an introvert myself, I know that I recharge my "battery" by needing alone time. But, some people (usually extroverts) have and can mistake this as being stand-offish or even stuck-up. Which is further from the truth. While Kate is not perfect, but who is?, I really do wonder if she is misunderstood.”
Before we even begin, I have to set some ground rules. This post isn’t intended to excuse or explain ALL of Kate’s behavior, but rather to put it in context. Also, it should be noted that I am not a psychiatrist and I actually have a healthy aversion to television viewers who think they can diagnose extreme personality disorders such as narcissism via a weekly edited reality t.v. show.
In this instance, I feel comfortable talking about this topic because Kate has self-identified herself as an introvert. I think there is often a general lack of understanding as to what constitutes extraversion vs. introversion. For those who are interested in a quick laymen’s overview of the differences, this Wikipedia link may be of interest.
Let’s start with agreement that most of us are not all extravert or all introvert. Many of us can probably identify which group we feel we tilt closer to, however. I put myself clearly in the introvert camp for a number of reasons, but perhaps most decidedly because I am definitely someone who needs my alone time. A day around people – even people I love and/or like often drains me. The only way I can get myself back into balance is by having some time to myself. If I don’t get this time, I feel my battery running low (to use Michelle’s analogy) and yes, that can make me short-tempered and less capable of presenting my best self. So, I guess I wonder if Kate, a woman who is constantly surrounded by people, eight of whom depend on her for many of their daily needs, ever gets a chance to recharge her battery with a bit of solitude. Could perhaps a lack of this needed alone time contribute to what many perceive as a low threshold for handling stress and/or (to be blunt) what others call a bitchy attitude?
I expect some will dismiss this theory because the Kate we see on television can be quite assertive and does not appear shy. Again, however, I think this is too simplistic interpretation of what introversion really entails. So what do you think? Do you agree with Michelle that Kate may be misunderstood? From what you have seen, would you classify Kate as an introvert? And how would you classify yourself – extravert or introvert?
Before we even begin, I have to set some ground rules. This post isn’t intended to excuse or explain ALL of Kate’s behavior, but rather to put it in context. Also, it should be noted that I am not a psychiatrist and I actually have a healthy aversion to television viewers who think they can diagnose extreme personality disorders such as narcissism via a weekly edited reality t.v. show.
In this instance, I feel comfortable talking about this topic because Kate has self-identified herself as an introvert. I think there is often a general lack of understanding as to what constitutes extraversion vs. introversion. For those who are interested in a quick laymen’s overview of the differences, this Wikipedia link may be of interest.
Let’s start with agreement that most of us are not all extravert or all introvert. Many of us can probably identify which group we feel we tilt closer to, however. I put myself clearly in the introvert camp for a number of reasons, but perhaps most decidedly because I am definitely someone who needs my alone time. A day around people – even people I love and/or like often drains me. The only way I can get myself back into balance is by having some time to myself. If I don’t get this time, I feel my battery running low (to use Michelle’s analogy) and yes, that can make me short-tempered and less capable of presenting my best self. So, I guess I wonder if Kate, a woman who is constantly surrounded by people, eight of whom depend on her for many of their daily needs, ever gets a chance to recharge her battery with a bit of solitude. Could perhaps a lack of this needed alone time contribute to what many perceive as a low threshold for handling stress and/or (to be blunt) what others call a bitchy attitude?
I expect some will dismiss this theory because the Kate we see on television can be quite assertive and does not appear shy. Again, however, I think this is too simplistic interpretation of what introversion really entails. So what do you think? Do you agree with Michelle that Kate may be misunderstood? From what you have seen, would you classify Kate as an introvert? And how would you classify yourself – extravert or introvert?
35 comments:
Great topic Anya and Michelle - thank you!
I believe that Kate is an introvert and is definitely misunderstood. There are a few women in my life who have similar K traits and can come across as being gigantic bitchasaurases (like that word?). When, in fact, they are two of the coolest and fun women I know.
Anya and Michelle - thanks for the link, after reading it, I think I'm an Ambivert (sp)! (somewhere in the middle.)
I have stated before that Kate both bugs and intrigues me because she is so different than me. Your post opened my eyes to the possiblility that we're more alike in SOME ways than I ever realized.
I love my alone time and I get stressed and antsy if I don't get it. If Kate is like this too- it explains her crabbiness. And of course, editing highlights her attitude.
Kate has also stated she doesn't see other people. For ex. the famous Toys R US where she screams at John HEEELLLLLOOOOO!
She had no idea what he was talking about when he told her he was embarrassed once outside the store. On the couch, she passively conveyed, Oh...I just don't notice other people when I'm out.
To me, that would definately fall into the introvert category.
But some comments are still just plain crabby. When she asked John not to breath so loud, that's just rude IMO.
She's a hard cookie to crack, but you gave me some points to ponder! Thanks for that!
If Kate said she is an introvert then she is. Maybe she's misunderstood but I think it is more that people get off from being mean.
I found it hard to watch Kate interacting with people in the most recent episode. She seemed sort of .....uncomfortable around people. I am like that too. People have thought I was stuck up because I don't speak much. I just don't know what to say or I'm afraid I'll say something dumb or inappropriate. And I have. I also enjoy plenty of alone time. I don't often get bored when I am by myself. I hate going to crowded places. I avoid malls this time of year.
Even if her critics know she is introverted, they don't care. Like I said, for some sad reason it makes people feel better to be mean.
I think Kate is an introvert as I tend to lean into that myself. I think situations overwhelm her then she lashes out. Overall, I think her heart is always in the right place even though what she says and body language may reflect the opposite of what she means to convey. I agree with gumby1. I remember when she said "I don't notice other people" when she's out.
I do think Kate is misunderstood, I have felt that way for a long time. I am an introvert and I like my alone time way too much! I do home child care and as much as I enjoy my job I love when the kids go home and all is quiet, I could not imagine a house full of kids the same age all day who never go home.
I have an Aunt (my Uncles wife) and a cousin in law who both remind me of Kate. My Aunt and Uncle have 6 kids and I will never forget when she was pregnant with the last one and we were at a family wedding in Oklahoma. While at breakfast one morning the family was all there in this restaurant and we took up about half of it, when all of a sudden my Aunt goes off on one of my uncles (not her husband) and we were all like what the heck, there was no real reason for her to go off on him. I think she was just overwhelmed with all the chaos and not being at home and being 9 months pregnant (baby was born 2 weeks later. We were all like well that is how she is and we don't have to live with her so oh well...
My cousin's wife has also done some things that we would be like WHAT...but I noticed it was when she was stressed out. They have 4 girls 2 yrs apart and when they were little things were crazy for them, I have noticed that as the girls have gotten older she is much more mellow.
I have also noticed that about Kate...as the little ones get older she is not as stressed out and money for them is better now as well. I think the 1st 2 seasons things were still tight for them, I think season 3 was when things started to really turn around for them, the show was going strong and people were interested in them and they were able to breathe a little easier. And now she is getting out of the house to do promos or whatever and that is giving her time away to regroup...something she needs. With both of the relatives I have they were stay at home moms for yrs and going back to work really helped them more than anything. You would think it would make things harder but they needed that time out of the house. And I think Kate does too.
She has the traits of an introvert. Misunderstood? Very. Mistreated by many on the net? Indeed.
She must cringe everytime she reads the horrible things that are put out there by some of the public.
I think Kate's an introvert and couple that with the OCD on cleanliness and people don't understand her. I see alot of myself in her. I hate clutter, I want things done the right way (my way)LOL, and am not an outdoor gal either.
I prefer having my kids' friends at our house and just hanging out. I don't particularly like going to other people's houses. Don't get me wrong, we have fun and travel and go to our friends' houses, but I am much more relaxed with friends and family hanging at our house. In fact, we always have extra people (kids' friends) staying over at our house and I love it. And, their parents know my rules, that everything is safe at our house, and that I'm watching over those kids just as I do my own.
I'm a homebody and I think Kate is too. I think that her family is everything to her and she's so focused on them, that she doesn't realize others around her.
MommyZinger, you'e rght. People perceive her as stuck up because she is quiet. Even though she's got cameras on her, she could just be shy, too. (I know, it sounds almost contradictory, but plausible). Thus, people misundersand her.
Yes, people get off being mean. It just shows their insecurity and the obvious, jealousy.
I definitely think Kate is an introvert and misunderstood. I really don't know what else to say on the subject. Some people are so judgmental and critical of her...there are a lot of people who aren't willing to look beyond the surface. Bottom line is that I don't believe she ever means anyone harm in the things she does or says. I never believe that it's her intent to hurt anyone's feelings. Does that mean she doesn't have work to do when it comes to the things she says or how she comes across? Of course it doesn't. Self-awareness can be very difficult. It sounds cliched to say this, but life is a journey of self discovery and hopefully she is working on herself and will continue to work on herself as time goes on. People change, they learn they grow.
It's sad that some people judge her so harshly. I may not like some of her behaviors, but I know that there's always another day and another opportunity for her to do better (or for all of us to do better in our lives) so I try to be opened to that. Some people aren't opened to that possibility. They think Kate means to be mean and is a snob. I don't think that way.
I think she is an introvert and is misunderstood and judged very harshly by people who don't know her.
I was very shy as a child and was told repeatedly by my mother "that the other kids will think you're stuck up if you don't go over to them and ask them to play". I was never stuck up, just very shy. Even now, it's hard for me to join a group of people I don't know, although with friends and family, I'm pretty outspoken. Which is why Kate might be misunderstood. She presents very differently with Jon and the kids than she does out in public and I don't think that's something she should be criticized for.
Also, I hope this isn't off topic, but it goes along with misunderstood. Kate has a rather dry sense of humor and I have noticed that she has been picked on for that. My sense of humor is also like that and I have received flack for it. Some people don't understand it. I have noticed that many introverts
"deadpan" alot. My husband does too :)
I have always thought Kate suffered from some kind of anxiety disorder coupled with panic and I think the proper meds would make her feel better.
I do think she gets nervous about certain things but I think she can be downright mean and rude as well.
The embarrassing episode floored me when she could not/would not accept any blame, give one apology.
I have said this before, I think she loves her children, but she is not very nurturing. She comes off as cold and curt to me.
We may see the three worst rants of her over a three day series of filming, but nevertheless they are three pretty bad scenes.
*In Toys R Us-don't care if she says she "doesn't see other people when she is out"-she should, it is good manners and socialization skills. Her behavior was beyond rude.
*When Jon was ironing and she went off on him-rude and demeaning to your husband.
I could go on and on, but you get the point I am sure. Whether or not she is an introvert, suffers from an anxiety disorder etc...it does not excuse bad behavior, it might explain it, but it is up to Kate to be polite.
Bridget you're right. She does have a dry sense of humor (and I think it's funny because I get it). But, others who don't and don't understand the dry sense of humor use it to pick her apart. THEY are the ones who need to get a sense of humor.
Honestly, nobody is judged harsher on the internet than Kate. One good thing is she's got a great sense of self and a thick skin. I don't think detractors wear her down or get to her in anyway because she tunes them out. Good for her!
I work at a radio station on the East Coast. One of our consultants from long ago, a very wise man, said that if you get negative publicity, then you are doing your job well. People are listening. (in this case, people are watching).
Fiona, I think you're wrong about Kate not being very nuturing. From the early shows to now, you can tell those kids adore their mom and are learning through the activities and crafts she does with them. Even to the earlier one hour show where we saw all the babies in the living room, and Maddy and Cara, you can tell she's extremely in tune (and nurturing) of her kids.
Something I don't understand you wrote...I do think she gets nervous about certain things but I think she can be downright mean and rude as well.
The embarrassing episode floored me when she could not/would not accept any blame, give one apology.
I don't understand what you're referring to here.
I do think editing only adds to the problem of Kate being misunderstood.
Cwats76--I agree..I think as the kids get older, she's less stressed. They are able to do more, they're growing out of any critical issues of being preemie babies and they are healthy and thriving. That certainly lessens the load.
I think Kate is VERY misunderstood and very overprotective of her children and now they are getting older she's getting more relaxed with them. I think Kate has fear that drives her to say and do things she herself doesn't know she does at times.
I have a friend so much like Kate in a sense she doesn't apologize for her words. She says she wouldn't ever apologize for saying things she said because her thing is she said it so that must of been what she really meant. She's honest and loud but that's who she is and I love her for it. A lot of people don't like her but I get her and we're good friends flaws and all and I know she will be honest and will tell me the truth even if I don't want to actually know the truth sometimes..lol
We're all human and don't we all bleed!!!! I've accepted Kates faws and I believe she loves her children. I think that drives her to do what she does at times and it comes off as selfish and being bitchasaurase(love this word MOM).
“One who focuses primarily on their own mind, feelings, or affairs”
This definition does seem to describe how Kate sees the world. It explains her behaviour in the Toys R Us; even when confronted, she was unable to see why Jon was pissed. It’s detrimental to her at times but it’s good that she can be mostly unaffected by the harsh things said about her.
I am not sure she is picked on any more than other celebrities out there as the internet can be very cruel to anyone in the limelight.
The delivery on her jokes is sometimes so deadpan I sometimes wonder if she is serious. “I don’t have time to put my hair behind my ears” I took as a joke. “My best feature is my voice” I also took as sarcasm. I’m never quite sure though.
I am somehwat intorverted- I don't avoid social situations, I love people and even crowds (they make me feel safe, weird huh?) However I don't want to be the center of attention- Im happy to blend in and I'm often the "quiet one". I'm a writer and I love working alone! I need alone time and it does "Recharge" my battery. When my husband and I started dating he couldn't fathom my need for solitude and initially it hurt his feelings that I needed to be alone. In high school I was often mistaken for being "stuck up" when nothing could have been further from the truth. I'm quiet... til I get to know you. I'm laid back and sometimes that is mistaken for not caring. I have been told all my life that by my mom, boyfriends, and now my husband that I keep to much to myself, that there was apart of me they felt they couldnt reach. I tend to go into myself with my feelings, I often stuff things until they boil over. I think Kate is misunderstood to a degree. I get her anxiety when too many people are in her zone (the kitchen) and her need for "Calmness and darkness"- I need that too! I don't like the way Kate talks to John but I don't always like the way he talks to her either- sometimes he can be equally hateful and that seems to go unoticed by many. Overall I like Kate and I understand a lot of her anxiety. Ho hum... we're so misunderstood..... =)
Samantha,
I absolutly agree about Jon as well.
But since he wasn't the topic of the post, I stuck with Kate-like we stay on topic here so well!
I don't know Kate. All I know is what the editors of the show she chooses to make, show.
That's a lot of the problem, I think. People feel they know her, but don't know what happens 5 minutes before something was filmed or 1 minute after.
But since this is "reality" TV and they are OK with the reality TV "star" title, viewers feel in touch with them personally.
That is, I believe, one of the main reasons there is so much time/ effort invested by us and others in this show.
I've always felt that Kate comes across differently than she means to. Not to say she's perfect, by any means. I do believe she is introverted. I think she's also overstimulated by all the chaos in her house (which I believe she mentioned Mady struggled with) and that's why she's constantly exhausted, and needing a break. I've also felt like she's really, really, really anxious. My personal opinion is that when Kate looks around her house she thinks "Oh my goodness, it's a disgusting mess, I can't take it. Oh my goodness, the kids don't look perfect and matching, it's very stressful. Oh my goodness that food is going to make them sick. Oh my goodness, what are we going to do with all these kids?" Etc etc etc. I think Kate seems like someone that maybe lets her fear control her more than she'd like. I think she doesn't handle change well, and really can't handle chaos much, either. Just my two cents.
I may be totally wrong. Having this opinion does allow me to feel slightly more sympathetic to her than some people may feel. I think she can work to overcome some of that, but I truly believe this is some of what dictates her actions. I feel sorry for her if this is the case, because it must be very difficult/unhappy to live in fear all the time.
I think that Kate bit off more than she can chew, when she had the tups. She does have some type of anxiety disorder along with phobias. Having plenty of stress in her life, doesn't help. She really could benefit from prescription medication.
She seems cold to me also. When her and Jon do the couch talk, she always leans away from him. When she constantly belittles him, that really bothers me. Putting Jon down, in front of the kids, is the worst thing that she can do. But yet she continues to do it. She has to know that it is wrong.
Sometimes it seems like Kate has no manners. I used to like her more in the beginning of the shows, but she has changed, and not for the best.
I really wonder if their marriage will last. Kate needs to remember the scripture:
Luke 11:17 "A house divided against itself will fall."
I totally agree about her putting Jon down, especially in front of the kids. She knows she does it, and yet continues to do so. I think she'll regret that later with her children's behavior. In fact, when Mady gets mad and blinks her eyes at her father while cocking her head and lecturing him like he's an idiot, I am really stunned they put up with it. I think it's behavior she's seeing at home, and they need to put a stop to it - now.
I don't think it's anybody's right to speculate on other people's marriages just because you see the spats on and edited tv show. You don't know them or what goes on in their marriage. It's not Jon & Kate & Happymama. :) They have their own dynamic and it may not be your thing Happymama, but it works for them.
They've stated several times that they're in it for the long haul.
Kristi,
I don't feel like Jon and Kate have a healthy marriage. The really bad part about it, is that there are eight little children that see and hear what goes on. When Kate belittles Jon and puts him down, that is not setting a good example to the little children. The children will remember that.
They may have stated that they are in it for the long haul, but a lot of couples have said that, and end up divorced. That is just a fact of life.
What Kate doesn't realize is that every time she "attacks" Jon, she eats away at his ego and soul. How long will Jon put up with that, who knows.
I personally, would just like to see Kate be nice to Jon. Talk nice to him, and kiss him on the cheek, and hug him every now and then. I'm all for seeing couples in a happy marriage. JMO... :)
If you're interested in finding out whether you're an extrovert or introvert, get the book "Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types," (http://www.amazon.com/Please-Understand-Me-Character-Temperament/dp/0960695400/ref=si3_rdr_bb_product) which contains a simple test that will identify which "type" you are in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). I'm an INTJ, with a strong I (Introvert) score. A behavioral scientist who works for our firm once told me the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an extrovert is energized by being with people, whereas an introvert is energized by solitary time. It doesn't mean that an introvert doesn't enjoy being with people, and in fact they often do enjoy social interaction, but it drains their energy and they need time to themselves to recharge.
If Kate is an introvert, the kind of life she's leading now, with family demands, the demands of filming a TV show in her home 3-4 days a week, traveling, public apperances, interacting with a variety of people, would leave very little time to herself to adequately recharge her energy (thus the "I'm exhausted" comments).
Interestingly, according to the above referenced book, 75% of the population are extraverts versus 25% introverts. And if you're an NT, an even smaller percentage of the population (12%): for example, in a school class of 32, only 4 would be NTs, and of those 4, only 1 an introvert. No wonder I always felt like an alien!! :)
I tend to go into myself with my feelings, I often stuff things until they boil over.
My husband used to tell me my pot boiled over, but somehow never boiled dry. He's so funny, but he's right.
At least Kate knows she's an introvert, I didn't know I was one until I went to a Psycologist and said, "WHY AM I LIKE THIS?" and he said, "You may be loud and talkative, but did you know you're shy?" I was FLOORED.
I think Kate is a dynamic woman with lots of layers, I just think the "Crabby Layer" is the one that gets shown most often. I think she's very vulnerable and probably acts the way she does to protect herself, but she also seems to sincerely not care if the world doesn't agree with her. And I LIKE that!
I also believe Kate's introverted. I think her claims of, "I'm exhausted!" are partly due to the cameras and crew being in her home 3 days a week. It is exhausting for introverted people to be "on" for long stretches of the day. There has to be pressure added by the fact that she's not just "on" for the people in her home, but for people who will be watching later.
From this perspective, the spa days make sense. Personally, I'd just hide out in the library, but I'm not into the spa thing. My introverted husband runs and runs and runs.
happymama said
I personally, would just like to see Kate be nice to Jon. Talk nice to him, and kiss him on the cheek, and hug him every now and then. I'm all for seeing couples in a happy marriage. JMO... :)
December 17, 2008 6:27 PM
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I'll agree with you on that happymama. They rarely show them hugging or kissing.
"A behavioral scientist who works for our firm once told me the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an extrovert is energized by being with people, whereas an introvert is energized by solitary time. It doesn't mean that an introvert doesn't enjoy being with people, and in fact they often do enjoy social interaction, but it drains their energy and they need time to themselves to recharge."
Wow, that's me to a T. No wonder I have sympathy for Kate.
I think it is difficult sometimes for people who aren't introverts to relate to those of us who are. I think Kate is definitely misunderstood and unfairly judged at times.
Kate is an interesting person. I think she has a very strong personality. I have found that people with strong personalities are often considered overly aggressive but really they are just programmed to be leaders. Sometimes that "leadership" behavior is seen as harsh by others. I think all that really matters is whether or not Jon is okay with it.
I think Kate gets so much crap for her behavior because she's very forward with it. Jon on the other hand is way more passive aggressive.
Don't get me wrong I think they are both good people and their personalities mesh well. I just think that Kate's behavior is often misinterpreted far more often than Jon's.
I completely agree that many people misunderstand Kate's discomfort in some situations - I too recall getting the whole, "you need to be friendly because otherwise people will think you're stuck-up" routine. It's funny, when you think about it, that people will interpret behavior that likely has nothing to do with them as some sort of judgment ("Oh, she's so unfriendly; she thinks she's too good for us"). I think ultimately it says more about the person judging, and their own insecurities, than the person being judged.
There are others judgments made about Kate that I think are not so much misunderstanding as putting the worst cast on her behavior because people want to justify their dislike for her.
I really agree with everything scarfoot said in her 4:00 p.m. post. I do believe Kate is very much driven by her anxiety. That is not to justify all of her behavior; I don't feel the need to justify it because none of us are perfect. When I talk about her faults or the behaviors she needs to work on it's with the understanding that I have faults and behaviors I need to work on, as does everyone. I guess what I don't get about the relentless judgment is the sense I get that those who are judging think they themselves are well nigh perfect. Otherwise, why would they get so indignant and disgusted over her behavior? Kate's not a murderer or a child abuser, no matter how many times the haters compare her to either one; she's a flawed human and an imperfect wife and mother. In that, I doubt she's so different from those who condemn her.
Perhaps because I do like Kate, I'm just more inclined to try to understand why she acts or reacts a particular way, rather than just judging or labeling it.
Regarding her being cold, I really don't agree. I see many instances of her being warm with her kids. She can be brusque at times; I think that's her personality. She's not soft-spoken like Jodi. I really think that's fine. Again, I see her being warm and loving with the kids plenty; I don't see the brusqueness as a consistent attitude that she displays towards her children (which is what I would call coldness). It's more just how she seems to be when she's in "get it done" mode - which she often is.
I am sort of on the fence re the relationship between J&K. On the one hand, I don't think they are modeling great behavior for their kids. But OTOH, I do think their relationship works for them. Unlike some people, I do feel that the bad behavior is reciprocal - I agree with Andrea that Jon is passive-aggressive. And I've seen him use his passive-agressiveness to undercut Kate with the kids (usually behind her back), which I think is just as wrong as Kate cutting down Jon in front of the kids.
One thing I notice, though, is that Kate is pretty clear with Jon when he says or does something she doesn't like (really, to a fault, at times). She lets him know how she expects him to treat her. He doesn't do the same, and it frustrates me. I'm not saying she shouldn't know better than to be rude to him - she should. But marital communication really requires that you let your spouse know what you want, need and expect, and Jon, I think, prefers to play little games (his constant refrain of "I'm not saying anything" when he disagrees with Kate). It bugs me.
I don't know if Kate is introverted or what. But I can say that I can relate for one reason or another (i.e., I know others like her, and/or find similar things in myself).
I remember when I was a teen one of my best friends' mother would always tell my friend that she thought I was "sneaky" or "not so nice." And she based that decision solely on the fact that I was quiet and shy. However, once she got to know me she apologized profusely for being so wrong about me. Needless to say it hurt. I think people tend to do this with Kate too.
And let's not forget, Kate most likely acts the way she does because of the way she was raised/grew up. Yes, when you get older and have a family of your own you tend to break some of the habits you were raised with. But some things aren't so easy to break.
I have a feeling Kate may have been hurt by family and/or friends in her life and this is why she seems standoffish. When in reality that standoffishness is more than likely just her being cautious with who she allows to get close to her and her family. She may also question the motives of some people now that they do have a show and make money. We just don't know.
And, since we don't know, I really think it's unfair to totally judge her as one way or the other. We all have our faults and problems. Difference is, ours aren't aired on TV for all to see.
But anyway, I do not think Kate & Jon are abusive or neglectful of their children. And it burns me up to hear others say this. They toss the word abuse around as if it's nothing. I think they need to be shown what real abuse is. How about these poor kids out there who are starved, beaten, sexually abused, burned with cigarettes, left alone, living in squalor, being drug around to crack houses, left on the streets to fend for themselves, told they are ugly, stupid, won't amount to nothing, etc.? That's real abuse!!! And to act like and say that the Gosselins are doing any such thing is nonsense!! Some people really need to get a clue.
I think that Kate is misunderstood, in large part due to her very dry and sarcastic sense of humor and her standoffishness.... I always marvel at those who say she is not a loving mother, because it's obvious to me that Jon and the kids adore her and she them...
This is all great food for thought!
I agree that Kate is often overwhelmed and stressed, and that's why she lashes out, yells, and can be just plain rude. I know when I am overwhelmed with things to do (two jobs, four kids, and a husband who works full-time), my patience disappears very quickly and I have been known to say things I regret later! I really have to take a breath and pull myself together sometimes before I say something snippy or worse. Maybe Kate just can't stop and take that breath.
ChinaMomof4,
You might be right. I feel like some people just don't have that filter were they stop for a second and reflect on what they are going to say and how it's going to come out. They just say what is on their mind and there it is and in Kate's case it is there for all the world to see.
I think I sympathize with Kate because I can be the same way. I grew up in a very LOUD house, where whoever talked the loudest was the one who was heard and listened to. As an adult I now find myself occasionally reverting to those tactics. I think 90% of the time she doesn't MEAN to yell or embarrass Jon but she just doesn't stop to THINK how it's going to come off.
It was very nice to read everyone's posts on this subject. I've been so busy lately that I am now just able to make a post. It's nice to take the time in trying to understand someone. Especially someone that may seem "different" or "misunderstood". Unfortionately people can be mean and don't take the time in trying to understand why someone may be the way that they are and appreciate their "introvert" traits. Being an introvert is not a character flaw.
It is nice to see the posts from other people who are introverts or lean more towards the introvert qualities.
hmmm... if kate is an introvert, why would she agree to have people filming in her home all the time.
i'm not necessarily an introvert - i'm shy, but not quiet. i couldn't have the entire nation watching me, or cameras following me. i wouldn't want everyone to see everything i do that doesn't meet my own standards.
also, if you need alone time... you might want to stop at two kids - i know were not expected, but two were, and four kids greatly decreases your alone time. (adding cameras decreases it to almost nothing)
I actually have a lot in common with Kate - very organized, methodical,things must be done my way, perfectionistic, and I tend to criticize. This is why I decided not to have children. Kids should be held to a reasonable standard, My standards are too high. When I see Kate criticizing her kids in the "interview section" I cringe. Not as much with Jon, as he could stand up for himself (bur increasingly does not (it was more fun when they were both yelling at each other. at least it was fair and in the heat of the moment. but she does it, sitting calmly after the fact, which implies she's harboring some stuff against Jon that she feels she hasn't gotten thru to him - I know, the rest of us tell this stuff to our girlfriends. Kate tells America.Perhaps they should revisit Dr Phil. or turn off the cameras and use that time to sort these things out))
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