Saturday, February 28, 2009

More on Nadya Suleman

There is a new video on CNN with Gloria Allred regarding the Octuplet's mom turning down an offer of a home and 24-hour pediatric nursing care.

In addition, Radar Online reports that baby brand, Custom Kingdom, has reached out and offered clothing to all of her children for one year.


Eileen said...

I don't even know what to say about this. My daughter told me earlier that she had read about this on another site. I'm stunned.
I guess if Nadya feels that a TV Reality show will provide better for her family she'll go with that. It wouldn't be my decision, but who am I to judge what is best for her family? Maybe twenty-four hour care and a big house will go along with the TV deal plus money for each episode? Maybe it will be more financially beneficial? But, I know I'm going to sound like all the Gosselin critics, BUT - at what price?
I'm really trying to be open and fair-minded here, but I have a lot of reservations about her turning down the offer from Angels in Waiting, and I know if I were her mother I would be going insane on her, and that is something my daughter pointed out to me (and I couldn't argue with that).
But let's face it, this is a woman with no means of supporting those children, a woman who has been raked through the coals for accepting welfare, maybe this is her way of getting herself and her family out from under.
I just don't know what to think or say anymore. I'm trying hard not to judge her motives, I'm trying not to judge her at all.
I just hope the best for her and mostly for her children.

Liza Beth said...

I feel the same way, Eileen. My main contention has always been that whether she gave birth to eight babies or not, Nadya was not in a place where she could even support the 6 kids she already had- much less that one more. This *IS* different from the Gosselins, who had a set of twins and a few years later chose to go back for IUI fertility treatments. They were not rich but they both had good jobs at the time and some money in savings. Not to mention the fact that as soon as they found out about the tups Jon and Kate jumped into action so that the babies would be cared for. Yes, they used resources made available by friends and family as well as their church, but they did so anticipating the arrival of the babies which seems to be someting Nadya never considered when expecting the octuplets. Jon and Kate are not perfect parents but you have to see how they both worked hard when Kate was pregnant to protect their kids and provide for them (as is detailed in "Multiple Blessings").

As for Nadya, I have no idea what to think... she seems like she is telling the public what they want to hear in interviews then going around and doing the opposite "behind closed doors." That seeming deception is tough to figure out... I want to believe she is doing what is best for her kids, but to shell out $10,000 for IVF (which is what she said it cost each time) when the house you and your six children live in is already behind on its mortgage strikes me as irresponsible at best.

Eileen said...

I know, Liza Beth, I just saw her on Dr. Phil and was feeling a little better about her situation.
I really feel stunned and I can't imagine what her mother is going through! Somehow I always come back to her mother, I guess I identify with her so much more.
I just felt good after hearing her on Dr. Phil and thinking that things were settling down for this family. It's like Nadya is running around like a chicken with her head cut off!
Okay, I'll stop now. But these are the things I'd be saying to my own daughter!

New lurker said...

I'm curious how you guys feel this is different than the Gosselin's situation through the past years since losing employment while pregnant with the sextuplets? I know it's a larger scope with only one parent and larger, multiplied need for public assistance, volunteers, donations and all the rest. Is this the same situation just bigger or is it dynamically different?

Do you think Nadya's choices and expectations have been partially developed by what she has seen on television with the Gosselins and to a lessor extent with other multiple families with reality shows?

I think that the Gosselins tried to get additional home nursing care for their sextuplets while Nadya seems to be turning dontated care down. I am trying to figure out how I feel about all of this, and there is certainly a lot to read online about it all!

JerseyGirl said...

Under any other circumstances I might be disgusted by this. However, I have to admit that I would RUN far away from Gloria Allred. What she should have done was accept the help with the condition that Gloria would be totally out of the picture.

indianprincess said...

I don't know what is going through Nadya's mind and I just hope as a mother she knows what's best for her family. If she isn't capable to care for her children I hope someone will step in and make decisions best for her children. Turning down any donations is stupid in my book but thinking a reality show is the best answer is also stupid. There are great opportunities with a reality show with financial security but then also the backlash the Gosselin's are getting is something Nadya most likely wouldn't be able to handle. She seems so clueless and out of touch with the reality of caring for 14 children. I'm just praying for the best for those beautiful children and someone does right by them neither Nadya or social services. So sad!

Eileen said...

I know how judgmental this is, but to me, Nadya is twelve years old. I'm not just thinking she's immature, I'm thinking her thought process stopped developing at twelve.
This girl needs help. I don't think she's a cold, calculating person at all. I think she doesn't see the big picture, I think she lives in a dream world. I'm not saying she didn't have visions of a Jon & Kate Plus 8 type program for her family, I'm just saying I don't think that's the reason she went ahead and did what she did. I think she doesn't deal in reality.
I know I keep saying I'm going to stop with this subject but I just can't get over this girl. She is mind-boggling to say the least.
And truly, my heart goes out to her. I feel so sorry for her, I really do. There's something about her that brings out the mother in me, on one hand I want to smack her silly, and then again she makes me feel like I want to defend and protect her. What does that say about me??

MoreCowbell said...

Not even in the same boat as the Gosselins and I am really happy to point this out for the UPTEENTH TIME since the Octupets were born (every time an "advocate" drops in to get their digs in and try to connect the two situations which are as different as night and day).

The Gosselins did not set out to give birth to a litter. There were no embryos implanted in Kate. That doctor AND Nadya Suleman knew exactly what the ramifications were by implanting that many embryos. Suleman had IVF. Kate did NOT. She had IUI. Kate's ovaries were stimulated (because she would not be able to get pregnant otherwise) and she was then injected with sperm. They did not find out until AFTER conception that Kate's ovaries were overstimulated and they could end up with more than one or two babies.

Jon and Kate were not living on welfare with six other children. Theirs was not a single parent household. Nadya was not married, was living off her parents, and hadn't held a job since 1999. Jon and Kate went into their second pregnancy BOTH holding jobs and at the time, able to support themselves, the twins and another child. Jon did not lose his job until Kate was home, already pregnant with sextuplets and on complete bedrest. They then received help from Jon's father, a prominent pediatric dentist, who could well afford to help. Nadya Suleman's poor, overworked parents went into foreclosure because of their unstable daughter's baby obsession. She USED her parents and drove them into bankruptcy.

As far as the "reality show" aspect. Jon and Kate did not seek out this life. It fell into their laps well after the 'tups came home. A lot of it was luck of the draw. They not only had sextuplets AND twins, but ALL EIGHT are healthy and quite photogenic. The same cannot be said for some of the other high order multiples shown on TLC. Cerebral palsy, blindness, and autism all affect various multiples of the other families shown on TLC, Discovery Health, Dateline and other various news shows. While that is a fact of life and another interesting aspect of seeing how these families cope, the Gosselins (as well as the Dilleys) are the rare exception in that all six are thriving. However, the Dilleys are now teenagers. Their "cute" factor isn't the same any longer. The Gosselins still have this in their favor as far as the show is concerned.

The jury is still out on Suleman. Did she and her doctor INTENTIONALLY do this for fame and fortune? It certainly seems like it, which is something the Gosselins did NOT do. The Gosselins did not appear in front of a camera until those kids were over a year old. Nadya, who started out with the "wants to remain anonymous" line of crap, now can't seem get herself OFF the TV, constantly feeling the need to explain herself. People who dislike Kate, dislike her personality but you cannot argue (without looking like an idiot with an agenda) that her CHILDREN are her focus. She's just a bit abrasive. Nadya comes off as a full blown whack job who perhaps shouldn't be in charge of the care of 14 innocent children. You cannot even make a serious argument as to the fitness of Jon and Kate. There is no question that they are fit parents.

Nadya in a reality show? Hmmm. Tough call. It may do alright at first for the sheer trainwreck aspect of it. But people are going to go in with a distinctly negative attitude against Nadya. Therefore, I do not think it will be as much of a success as the Gosselins (or the Duggars or the Roloffs, for that matter).

Also, the Octuplets will have a FIVE MILLION DOLLAR hospital tab, paid by the already strapped State of California, something that also effects how the public will perceive any type of reality show. The timing of this pregnancy and birth could not be worse for Suleman.

indianprincess said...

What does that say about me?? Eileen, you are human with doubts for this women. I go back and forth with her myself but it always comes down to all her children and what's best for them. I don't think at this point Nadya knows what's right for her family and hope friends, family or people close to her can help make the right choices if she can't. Last note: I think Nadya needs to stop talking because she's not stating her case as a sane women who knows how to make the proper decisions for her family.

nomoredrama said...

I never had respect for this woman. I've found her choices to be selfish and self-serving. Even her decision to have child after child was due to a void she felt in her own life. Excuse me? You know what, I'd want nothing more than to have a child right now but I'm in no position. If I were to become pregnant, ok, I'd deal with it. I know I'd have the baby. I wouldn't spend thousands in fertility treatments to continue to get pregnant making my life situation more and more difficult. I realize that every person is different but as a parent, you aren't supposed to be thinking about yourself. You are supposed to have the welfare of your children in mind. The evidence that the welfare of her children was never on her mind is overwhelming. She is so irresponsible and juvenile. I do think she is mentally ill but that does not excuse her from responsibility. There are women and men with mental health diagnoses that raise children every day.

Does she think she is going to be heralded as the voice of single motherhood? It's one thing to have 2, 3, even 4 kids (and that's hard) as a single mother. It's another to have 14! On Purpose! When you can't even care for the 2 special needs children that you have.

I can't even articulate my disgust. She was given the opportunity of a lifetime for the health, safety and well-being of her children. She is denying them this opportunity so that she can continue to have her face splashed across the media.

I'm getting to the point where I wonder if she should even have custody of these babies. Of course, no one will take them outright because she can cry discrimination (since she's a single mother). I hope social services is keeping a keen eye on this family.

Eileen said...

Thanks, indianprincess, that was sweet.
I think someone has to step in now and take the decision process away from Nadya. I can't believe I'm saying (writing, thinking) that. But the welfare of the children has to come first, and I just don't think Nadya's capable of making a well thought out decision on her own. Her Mom seems so helpless, she seems worn out, I wish she was more assertive, but I guess her hands are tied. I know I'm in somewhat of the same situation. You want the best for your kids, for your grandkids, but you don't have any legal rights where the grandchildren are concerned, you don't really have a voice, so you do your best and work with what you have, and you try to make life as nice as possible for the grandchildren, while at the same time just shaking your head at the insanity of it all!

Kuromi said...

JerseyGirl, I want to build on what you said RE Gloria Allred's role in all this.

In another thread, I noted that about a week before Angels In Waiting made their generous offer, Gloria Allred wrote--and then publicized--a note to the department of children/families that demanded they investigate the Sulemans. While most people agree the family should be looked into, we wouldn't do so for the publicity...

Thus, an offer from Allred's organization comes off as rather insincere as well as a double-edged sword, doesn't it? If I were Nadya, I'd be wary about my family being used as some kind of publicity stunt. I'd also worry about private issues being made (even more) public.

That said, I do think this woman needs help--both for her babies and for her own mental health. Maybe another charity will offer aid--without preceding it with a bunch of loudmouth negativity.

Kel said...

I'm not going to watch her show. I think she is strange.

Dr. H said...

It really bothers me when Nadya is referred to as 'Octomom'. I find it to be dehumanizing, to her and especially to her children. By calling her 'Octomom' it bypasses the fact that she had children, not a litter, not just octuplets, but people. It makes me really uncomfortable and I notice it everywhere. Imagine some of the comments about her using her full name, rather than the media term and see if it doesn't make you a little uncomfortable.

(I'm not saying this site or the commenters here do it, it's just something I have noticed and I wondered if anyone else sees it this way.)

Guinevere said...

I know how judgmental this is, but to me, Nadya is twelve years old. I'm not just thinking she's immature, I'm thinking her thought process stopped developing at twelve.
This girl needs help. I don't think she's a cold, calculating person at all. I think she doesn't see the big picture, I think she lives in a dream world. I'm not saying she didn't have visions of a Jon & Kate Plus 8 type program for her family, I'm just saying I don't think that's the reason she went ahead and did what she did. I think she doesn't deal in reality.
I know I keep saying I'm going to stop with this subject but I just can't get over this girl. She is mind-boggling to say the least.
And truly, my heart goes out to her. I feel so sorry for her, I really do. There's something about her that brings out the mother in me, on one hand I want to smack her silly, and then again she makes me feel like I want to defend and protect her. What does that say about me??

That you're a good person? Actually, you really encapsulate a lot of my thoughts on this woman. I don't think anyone will disagree that her judgment is terrible, but I personally don't think she's malicious and I don't necessarily think that she's motivated by greed. If she is expecting a payoff, then I think that speaks to a mental state that isn't entirely healthy, anyway. There are easier and more likely ways to get money.

Guinevere said...

Dr. H, I know what you mean about the term "Octomom" - though I guess it's better than the alternative I've heard, which is the title of an old James Bond movie. But it is dehumanizing. I don't think it's entirely intentional - I think to some degree it's just about it being a quick, pithy name to call her by. But if people don't mind being disrespectful to Nadya Suleman, they should at least consider the fact that they are being disrespectful to her innocent children as well.

Eileen said...

Thank you so much, Guinevere, you people make me feel better!
And, Dr. H, I'm ashamed to say that I have referred to Nadya as Octomom as if it's a nickname, but I try hard to use her real name now. My daughter says she heard that Nadya was thinking of doing a porn film?? Is that possible?? This goes from bad to worse, to worst! It just seems that she goes more and more out of control. I could just cry thinking about her situation and thinking about her kids especially. Here I am judging again. I'm sure there are women in the porn industry that are good mothers, but it's hard for me to equate being a porn star with being a good mother. It's a prejudice I have and I'll admit it, I just can't fathom a child being proud of his mother (or father) who worked in that industry.
I really do try not to judge the decisions other people make, especially when I think back on my own life and cringe at some of the decisions I've made in the past. I certainly couldn't hold my life up as a model for anyone. But, still here I am judging other people again. I'm telling you, I think so much about how I view the world and others now since I've been visiting this site. It's been an eye-opener to me and it has shown me how quick I am to judge others.
I'm really just at a loss here with this girl though (I call Nadya a girl and not a woman because that's how I view her I guess), I'm hoping more than half of what I hear and read about her is rumor.

Nina Bell said...


I think I heard where she was offered a million dollars to do a porn film. She did not accept the offer. I don't think she even entertained the thought. I think it was someone else just looking for publicity.

Eileen said...

Oh, thanks, Nina Bell, that actually does make me feel a little better about all those children whose future lies in Nadya's hands.
My husband says I'm getting too obsessed with this subject and he's right. It's just kind of frustrating when you feel like there is something you would like to do to help but don't even know what that would be!

Anya said...

Dr. H. I totally agree about the use of the "Octomom". If I have used unconciously in the past, I will no longer do so.

Kuromi, thank you for clarifying the timeline re: Gloria Allred and Angels in Waiting. Angels in Waiting appears to be a terrific organization, but I have far less respect for Allred.

Eileen, I agree with just about everything you said.

Lastly, there seems to be a supposition put out there that Nadya is holding out for a reality show. Has she ever said that? I honestly haven't seen all her interviews. I thought TLC already said they weren't interested?

spanglish said...

"there seems to be a supposition put out there that Nadya is holding out for a reality show. Has she ever said that?"

According to this article, Suleman asked Linda West Conforti, founder of Angels in Waiting, if they would allow filming for a reality show while they were caring for her children.

"Suleman seemed more interested in capitalizing on her infants than caring for them -- by asking to do a reality show -- and hold press conferences every two weeks updating the babies' conditions.

"I told her a reality show is a definite no," said Linda West Conforti, Angels In Waiting. "I educated Nadya that we would have a total of 28 people a day in our home and that her preemies are an open Petri dish due to their low immune system."

In an earlier interview, Suleman had said she would not consider a reality show as it would be exploiting her children. TLC has stated they are not pursuing a show with Suleman.

nomoredrama said...

That's what I thought, Spanglish. Which leads me to question, if this is about caring for the needs of your children then why turn down an offer like that? A home, 24 hour care. Maybe she could even go back to school (which I truly doubt she wants to do. I know from personal experience that a Master's in Counseling will not earn you enough to care for 14).

No, I think Ms. Suleman has champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

For me, I don't think Octomom is any more dehumanizing than Brangelina or Bennifer. That's the "thing" these come up with a catchy name that will attract attention. I remember the Dilly specials....they were nicknamed "The six pack." Just my opinion, I don't find it all that offensive.

That Girl said...

If she's turning down a free house and 24/hr care for her kids on the hopes of a reality show that is pathetic, from a parenting standpoint. Parents are supposed to want what is best for their children, not parade them around on national tv like a freak show. It's called priorities. Get a house, get them proper care, get proper care for the rest of the brood she already has...there is time for a tv show later. IF that offer even comes. From what I'm hearing no one's really interested. If there was a series made about her I know I'd never watch it.

It's a real shame that she turned down all that help from Angels in Waiting for a tv show that's (seemingly) not even going to happen.

Maybe if she whines and stomps her feet long enough someone will reconsider?